I cannot sleep!
Ugh.
Im like, so stressed lately.
But I don't know what I'm stressed a about.
Sometimes I wonder if every decisions I made were even right.
I mean, A LOT OF THINGS CHANGED.
From 2010 to 2011, I'VE BEEN SO EMO!
#1
Money.
Yes, money. It's driving me mad.
Im so sick of having no proper lunch and dinner everyday.
I feel so sad having to live like this, while others have daddies
booming their lives unexpected events, lay flags on the land of Europes,
eating whatever shits they want, buying them LVs and Burberry.
Daddy, I know it's all because of me, why we've no proper meals.
And mommy, I know you'd shower me with Burberry-s, if you've the spending power.
You guys, LOVE me. And i LOVE you guys.
I tried not to compare but godddddddd! I can't.
Every morning I wake up telling myself
"Chanmingli, if you ain't gonna be rich in the future, you fcuk shits go die"
"Your dreams of collecting those brandy designer bags, fcuk shits not gonna happen."
WHY?!
Because I see fcuk shits and I turned into the green eyed monster.
#2
Family.
... why on earth?
Why I've Kelvin in my family tree? He just fcuking humiliated our tree.
And why on earth Andrew constantly requests for hot chicccks.
Couldn't he just go grab himself, rather than asking?
#3
College.
I REGRET TO STAY IN PENANG.
I REGRET.
IT'S BETTER TO START OVER,
AT SOME PLACE WHERE NOBODY KNOWS YOU.
But back then I couldn't.
I was so badly wounded I need everyone here to love me.
Now I realised how badly I once wanted to leave this little island.
I made A RIGHT CHOICE, and then A WRONG CHOICE.
It's lousy, and I swear that if I had the chance to choose again.
It WOULDN'T BE HERE.
The only thing is that,
I made new friends, and okay lah, I love my classmates.
#4
Complications.
I hate myself at times.
Sometimes I find that Im totally not simple.
And I don't want anyone to read me when I'm emo.
I prefer wearing a mask and smile though I hate it.
You'd never know me.
#5
Relationships.
It's never been smooth.
You'd see cross roads everywhere.
And seriously, sometimes, idk what to do.
Like now.
#6
Gossips.
Whether you wanna say that I'm bitchy I'm cheap or I'm dumb.
I don't give a damn, because I'm a mirror, a reflector
and you're what you say.
*Meen and Jinghan*
Im finally emo enough to post all these over here.
Im actually running away from mentioning it over at the Facebook inbox.
Im just simply not satisfied with life lately, and this is it.
Volcano eruption.
The whole thing may sound as if it's a materialistic post.
Because I couldn't find myself .
I just wanna smile again.
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