Baby

Another dream last night.

I remembered I was somewhere around Fettes Park.

Couldn't remember who I was with, but it was either Vivi or Jye Lan. 

We stood by the short flight of stairs, leaning on the wall talking.
All of a sudden, this face caught my eye.

It was you. 

But you looked saggy and old.

On your head was short white hair as though you're in your 60s? Wtf.

That didn't surprise me.

All I did was standing there, dumb folded.

Your eyes made its way to where I stood as you walked pass us.

And all of a sudden, I just wanted to hide. I just wanted to run away and disappear.

Beside me was Jye Lan or Vivi's voice, asking me to not back off.

That voice was asking me to move forward and talk to you.

I didn't do it. I just can't because I'm too afraid.

I woke up not long after that.

Feeling stupid, as usual.

It's almost 6 months!

But I still miss you that much.

I've no intention to have you replaced with someone else, yet.

Then suddenly I realized how much I love you.

How I wish you're still mine.
Baby.

Sometimes, I still miss you.

I had the weirdest dream last night.
Couldn't remember every part of the dream but you were there.

You don't usually appear in my dreams, but yesterday, you did.
My family members were there as well.
Dad, and my brother Jeff.

We were back there in the house at Bukit Gambier.
And it wasn't particularly empty and dirty like how it used to be.
Sunlight shone in through the jalouise windows. And it was so yellow, so beautiful.
I guess it was evening and the sun was almost setting.

In the dream, Jeff and dad stood outside the house.
I popped my head at the door and waved to them, telling them I'm okay and asking them to leave.
And in front of the house was my car, nicely parked at the car porch like always.

Then, we were alone.
I could feel your arms around me.
And the warmth that I haven't felt for a while, the smell of you after a bath.
Deep down, I know that you shouldn't be forgiven for what you have done.
But without a doubt, I hugged you so tightly and didn't wanna let go.
I did not utter a single word and nor did I tear.

What I wanted to tell you was, for all these months...
Boy, I miss you so much.

Immediately after that, I woke up. Puzzled.
I couldn't believe what I have just dreamed, seriously.
After all, you only came into my dream twice after the breakup.
And still, I didn't know what do they actually mean.

I'll never be the same, if we ever meet again.

It started with a whatsapp status.
Then a row of instagram pictures.
"Hi, how are you lately?" texts from you in MSN. Twice.
The second one kinda pissed me off. Sent my face into bright red.
Worst, Raymond was just beside me at that moment.
But he didn't know.

And the next thing I knew was clicking on your Facebook profile.
Well, I finally had the guts to do so before I go to bed last night.

Oh, so Doreen has this new lalazai boyfriend within a month or so.
She deleted all your pictures in Facebook and Instagram.
Deleted pictures in Phuket with the other ex in it as well.
You guys broke up, I guess.

I just don't get it.
Is it expected that things turn up this way?
If it is, seriously she could just not exist and not take you away from me.
Does she even know how much I have been through all these months?
FUCK! What a BITCH.

Then I started to worry about myself.
I've been missing you like crazy and I want you back.
Only for the feelings that nobody could offer, but you.
That's like that dumbest thing to do, ever.
Seriously, why am I so stupid?

It's been 5 fucking months and I still couldn't get you off my mind.
Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why?!
It's not like you're the best boyfriend on earth or even I cannot live without you.
我可以半年没有你，就可一辈子没有你！
1 more month to go.

Please don't come back.
没有你，我会过得更好。
我依然爱着你，可是我回不去了。
对不起。

Dear Stanic,

How are you?
Ray told me you've been to KL.
I've been trying so hard to not talk about you.

Or even think about you.

I hid you from my newsfeed.
I never dare myself to click your Facebook profile.
I hid Gons, Jack, Ryn and Yoke Shian from my newsfeed too.
Couldn't take it when I saw Doreen's face on your timeline.

I don't understand why both of you have to be so mean.

Worst, my mind doesn't listen to me most of the time.

I miss you when Environmental Science and Services class gets way too boring.

Sometimes, I get very depressed and lonely. Nobody was there for me.

And sometimes, I cry myself to sleep when I'm missing you too much.

Seriously boy, why.

Steady girl.

He's gonna pay for it.
No more tears, okay?

No longer your muse

Baby, I miss you.

It's been almost 4 months.
And I've never stopped counting down since the day we separated.

I'm counting down towards the sixth month.
And then, a year.

Glad that Ray's been back into my life.
He used to be such a gift to me, and I loved him like my own brother.

But not any longer, after so much that have happened.
And the moment when he asked, "Do you still like him?"
I went silent. I knew I miss you so badly and I wanted to cry.

But no matter what and anyhow, I know I can make it without you.
Thanks for teaching me such a valuable lesson.

满

I miss you a lot, baby.
Thought of you every single day.
But there's no turning back, and I know that.
Good luck with life.

Babe,

I wonder how have you been doing lately...

Is everything good?

Sorry for not celebrating your birthday with you.

I had actually came up with a plan. Even discussed with Ryn about it.
But Eunice thinks that it was unnecessary since you haven't been appreciating the things I've done.

She was trying to protect me from getting hurt. So, I did what she said. 

Only that, I wished you "Happy Birthday".

Babe, I'm so sorry. But I couldn't help it.

I've gave in so much, and all I hope is you to treat me a little better.

But could you?

Never knew you could broke my heart into pieces.

But damn, I miss you so much.
So much...

I wish you'd know.

Babe..

终于，你选择走了.

你走后，我哭了好几天。

然后咧？有用吗？

还以为，我真的可以那么坚强面对。

可是我错了。

我不是铁质的。

我是人，我需要依靠，需要你爱，需要你疼。

我是多么想你，你知道吗？

What goes around comes around...

Something snapped me right back to 2010 recently.

Where the same situation occurred, and where the same feelings lingered around.

Felt as if a huge truck had just ran over my body. Not only once, but twice. 

All these while, I thought I have passed the test.

But I was wrong. So wrong.

:(

Felt like shit, lately.
And so alone.
Wtf.

6 Things That Every Creative Person Must Know About

When it comes to art and being creative, there are no rules. Here are 6 things that every creative person must know about.

1. Aim to be different.

You can either aim to be “better” than all the other artists out there or you can aim to be “different”. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be things that they can do better than you. Likewise, there are also things that you can do better than anybody else. You are in a class of your own. Embrace your uniqueness. Dare to be different. Look at Lady Gaga. When she was in grade school everyone would laugh at her for being weird. For being different. But it is because she has embraced her uniqueness that she has become the best selling artist she is today.

1. Challenges are what push you to be better.

No one likes having problems. But instead of thinking of them as problems why not think of them as challenges? Every time you are challenged you are pushed to become a better artist. Why? Because it is when you step out of your comfort zone that you learn and grow. There is more to art than what you already know. Be willing to discover new horizons.

1. Trust your gut.

We artists have gut feels. We know instinctively whether a piece of art needs something more or is just “right”. Yes, we should listen to what other people have to say. But in the end we should trust our instincts.

1. Simplicity is beauty.

A piece of art does not have to be complicated in order to be beautiful. More often than not, simplicity is the key to beauty. Remove distractions. Get rid of clutter. Decide what your main subject is and let everything revolve around that.

1. Make mistakes.

Making mistakes are the fastest way to learn. Don’t be afraid to go wrong. Make mistakes and learn from them. Avoiding failure is pointless. Sooner or later we’ll trip up. After all we are only human. Instead avoiding failure, learn to look at it from another perspective. Look at each “failure” as a learning experience.

1. Real artists create.

There are many kinds of artists. But the bottom line is real artists create their own stuff. Sure you can get inspired by the work of other artists. But don’t copy it. Make your own. Create your own mark. Try new stuff. Use old materials in different ways.

“Amy C. is an interior decoration aficionado and online marketer.  She also likes testing and trying new home and office decorating themes.  In addition to being an interior decoration hobbyist, she enjoys designing calming solar fountains and glass art.  Amy invites you to browse her delightful collection of glass vases”

(^^^)

:(

我想你了

Baby..
You're not gonna do that to me, are you?

Land of Smiles

Leaving Malaysia next weekend, for Songkran.
Well hopefully, it'd be an enjoyable one with Teddy, Franklin and Andrew.
An escapade from my not-so-cool college mates.
Screw you guys.

4am

Never once I thought college life would be so complicated.

I woke up yesterday morning at 4am.

Did my assignments. Two A4 sized sketches for furniture design.

Equator's been pushing us hard on sketches lately. 

It does help but it irritates me to even hold my pencil to sketch sometimes.

My sketches are improving real fast, thanks to the school. *roll eyes*

But my CAD workkkkkk....

Fuck

And as usual. Dramas in college.

This time, Yuki and Bee Chin.

I've totally had enough of losing friends!

Or trusting people that I knew I shouldn't.

I bet Yikting feels even worst than I do, right now.

So siennnnnn with college, really. 

Everyone's competing. 

勾心斗角

But going through all these hard times made me realise...

I'm not completely alone. I saw who my friends are...

And it doesn't necessarily have to be my awful interior classmates.

After all, I still have friends. They could be in Aussie right now, or even UK... anywhere in the world.

It doesn't matter, as long as they're all inside my heart.

What's more? I have a family and a cutie pie.

I should be grateful instead of complaining.

And seriously...

It's been almost one whole year..

But I can't believe I still couldn't let go of all those hatred towards that girl.

Why can't I just forgive, and move on?

Those shits, they still haunt me sometimes.

And I dont like it.

Hi

4.05 a.m. in the morning.
And I'm struggling with my AutoCAD.
I used to hate learning computer so much,
so much that I purposely failed my Computer subject during Form 1.
I received only 14 marks for an easy paper.
I was happy that I failed..
But now, I regret.
Seriously.

Things doesn't get any better for me.
Everything in college is okay, despite losing two of my favourite buddies.
One was Zeon, as expected. And the other, surprisingly and for no reason.
Raymond?! Yes. Raymond. The one whom I treated like my own brother.
He left, but not only that, he hates me now.
For no reason.
Wtf.

Oh yeah.
And thirdly.
My so called "sweetheart"?
Fuck that guy. Such a problem maker.
I'm totally speechless and like always tell Joe,
"I'm not gonna put any efforts in this shit!"

Lastly?
Some feelings that I couldn't let go of.
Which leaves me 无奈 to the max.
Nobody would UNDERSTAND.
And I could tell NOBODY, either. But myself.
Probably in my next life, it doesn'y have to be like this.

Hate the way Loy always jumped in as the third party,
thinking as if he fucking knowwwwwws everything.
Hate the way he scolded me like he's god.
Yeah, I know you freaking care about your friend.
Or your crush. Whatever.
"CBTM = Come back to me"
You said that you're trying to help her by whatsapp-ing me and telling me what it means?
Come on, Loy. Mingli is stupid.
But she figured out something SIMILAR to this, just that she didn't TELL YOU.
She couldn't figure out short forms like the way you, SMART ASS, did.
She'd rather be honest than to cheat the way out.

Other than staying in the room, having "fun" with assignments.
I guess I wouldn't know what else more to do.
It's been a while since I catch up with my high school friends.
All except Jye Lan, which, I've been meeting up quite often, lately.

I ate only a little these days.
One proper meal per day.
The rest of the time I'd probably drink Attain or Fiberwise from Melaleuca.
Not that I have no appetite, but I know that I'm really going
to get fat if I only eat, sleep and only focus on my assignments.

I rarely step foot on Burmatel nowadays.
Yik Ting goes there almost every night and...
I couldn't help her much on her assignments when I'm already so slow.
Though she seems to be the only friend that I could talk to about almost everything.
The only person that saw me cry during Valentine's Day,
and the only person who stayed by my side at Sunrise McDonalds the entire night.
I bet not even Yuki and Bee Chin know about this until I told them.
I cried, NOT because I don't have a valentine to celebrate with.
I cried for some fuck shit reason.

Doesn't matter that Zeon isn't gonna help me on homework anymore.
It really DOESN'T MATTER, SINCE HE THINKS THAT I'M BASICALLY USING HIM.
WTF, man. Who on earth wants to use you?!
At least I could be much more independent right now.
And what's more? Nickson is being really helpful.
He's been pushing me a lot, on my assignments.
Thank god.

3.48am

Time's ticking, and each time at a faster pace.
But deep inside, I know I have to stay in control.
Now it's not the time to fool around anyway.


And though I woke up this morning feeling as if it was a dream.
I'd really miss and would watch

... as you go.

The one that got away

Valentine's day would be here really soon.
And for Valentine's Day, Yu Ning has already got herself a Carlo Rino purse.

An 'in-advanced' present from her boyfriend, Eu Wing.

Guess every girl is looking forward for that day to come.

To spend that very special day with loved ones.

But not me.

Just a few minutes ago, I've posted a post on Mingli Bites.
And certainly, it would definitely piss you off if you see it.

What you didn't know is how I felt while browsing through the albums.

To be honest, I wasn't feeling guilty. 

But instead, a hollow breeze of uncertainty.

I know that I have to be strong enough to overcome this all by myself.

And to protect myself, it would be me to be the bad guy.

No doubt my friends would again be lesser.

Because again, it would be me who is gonna cuts all connections.

I couldn't be so selfish to regret it now.

It was my choice, after all.

You'd be freed in less than two weeks. 

From me. From that bitch who haunts you.

What more to worry, huh?

Sometimes,

I just wonder if I had just missed the best damn thing in my life.

Just because I merely couldn't take the pressure around me.

And what people expect me to be.

Baby boo, 

I'm so sorry for all the WRONGs that I've did.

And that I've hurt you.

This may sound really fake but..

nobody could replace all that you've given me.

Not even the life I'm living right now.
Not even, him.

Two days before Valentine's Day, would be February 12th...

Probably we wouldn never meet again...

I wish you, the best of luck.

:(

No one would be reading my posts over here anymore.
Because it's private, and there's only 7 people in this blog's reading list.
I guess I'd use this as a place to write about my thoughts.
Probably when things aren't right.

Time flies.
Things have changed a lot.
And as usual, nothing goes perfectly smooth.
I've gotten out from somewhere, which laymen would call "The Shit Hole".
My "mom" would be so proud of me if this happened a year back.
But the thing is, SHIT HOLE or not. Does it matter?

No it doesn't.
I don't let go of things so easily.
And it's not because I brainwashed myself,
but.. I just didn't want to remember.
It was... scary.

Everytime I started to reminisce...
Flashbacks came to me. I was so afraid that I didn't wanna think anymore.
Needless to mention about the word "Memories".
Everything's crushed by destructive acts that evening.
The word "sorry" wasn't for apologizing, it was to taunt me instead.
It made me wanting to run even faster instead of going back to where I was.
I remembered the pain that shot up from the back of my feet.
I remembered being helpless, sitting on the floor and cry.
I remembered my brain spinning with solutions that wouldn't worked.
I remembered being so weak physically that I'm unable to fight back at all.
It was the worst nightmare, ever.

So far, you're the best damn thing I've ever met.
It's just that I didn't have the chance to tell you. All these while.
Problem is...
You listen to nobody but yourself.
You couldn't make proper decisions.
And yet so stubborn, like a goat.
You ran when problems arise.
You hide when you couldn't face someone.

I'm born a girl. I do what girls do, and I need someone to rely on.
No matter how hard I try, I'll never understand how a guy think.
And what a man could for his girl. Because I'm not a man.
You can't make me do that. But to give me what I want.
Maybe I made a bad choice.
It's probably not gonna last.
But just a hopping stone?

Someday.
You'd understand why.

So not happy

Don't know how to describe the feeling I'm having right now.
Everything goes wrong. 

Everything crushed and rubbed in a paste.

Like wtf.

Sometimes, putting a smile on the face is so tiring.
Why can't you just understand?

I write less over here ever since I created "MingliBites".

But if you've noticed, I don't blog much about my feelings out there.
Well, that happened ever since horrible things started happening on me,

I swear I'd never trust someone so easily ever again.
And to never, ever show people who I was.

Not especially people like her.

Lim Jia Ki.

She nearly ruined my college life.

But guess what? It's been months and I've gotten over those shits.

Despite all those garbage that came out from her mouth, 

I've made new friends, met better people. 

And of course I can live without him!

But she can't. 

Yes, I admit that I've changed.

After all those shitty matters, the impact changed me even more.

Not my appearance, not my personality, but the way I think.

And then it got me stressed out, really. I spent my time figuring out what I want.

No matter what I do, where I go, I've to HIDE. I hate those bitches gossip about me.

I hate people discussing behind my back whether I already had sex or not.

And I hate people calling me... a slut? or a lesbian? a play girl or something?

Almost the whole class knows about what happened back in highschool.

Thanks to Lim Jia Ki. And if you were me, are you gonna go nuts?
Go nuts when nobody wants to talk to you.

Just because of the rumours.

And there's once, during Drawing III.

I was shading my stickman in class and I got really bored.
So I took out my iPhone and started to view photos from Instagram.
Guess what... Seongyu's beside me and he splurted out those words I'm so sensitive of!
In that class were nobody else except people like Shi Kia, Peng Jiet and Jiaki.

Seong Yu. He fucking said, "Hey, you kap lui or what?"
I was like... FUCK man, why do you always have to say the wrong thing

 at the wrong time! in front of the wrong people!

It's not that I hate Seong Yu or what.
Yes, he is my friend and he could be a great company.

But! His mouth. OH-MY-GOD. He ALWAYS says the wrong thing!

In front of Jia Ki, he would sometimes said to me, 

"Why don't you ask Peng Jiet? Everyone are FRIENDS" then gave me a sly smile.

And I always felt like punching him because I really had enough of them both.

They are OUT OF MY LIFE. And I wouldn't want them to come back and mess it up again.

I don't wanna created more problems for myself as that Lim Jia Ki is such a paranoid.

She thinks of things far beyond reality.

All I want is just to be accepted, and I could be really really nice.

I'm growing up with time, I face a lot of pressure from the public.

 I see all sorts of people. Different people, they give me different feelings.

And deep inside, I know I can trust nobody no matter how nice that person is.

That's also part of the reason why I feel horrible, I've nobody to talk to.

People around wouldn't understand the situation I'm going through.

How can I expect people to talk to me about things they don't know?

And then I started thinking about the future.

I thought about mom and dad.

I thought about everything.

A change would definitely swipe away part of myself.

And it is hard and it would hurt. Baby, I know that it would hurt.

But I really can't take the pressure. I have to... let go of it.

Week 5

MONDAY

Shampoo-ed my baby onion at the Car Wash after class.
I have one hour before meeting up with Eunice and Yeou Ching.

We had steamboat dinner at Lolipot.

Food was awesomez.

The buds and the blogger.

TUESDAY

Had lunch with Jason at Santorini. 

Another cafe located at the Georgetown area near to college.

I didn't know the existence of the restaurant till Jiong blogged about it.

So since we both have yet tried the food there, why not?

Spaghetti with Napoletana sauce

Spaghetti Bolognese

Dessert

Iced Latte or Mocha

Blue Curacao Mocktail

WEDNESDAY

Three of us fell sick.
But couldn't find a place to lunch at.
So we decided to 以毒攻毒, eat stuffs that we weren't supposed to.

Yik Ting's Tomyam Noodles

Rice with Fish fillets, Sweet and Sour Sauce

During the Raya Holidays...

Went to Sakae Sushi on a Wednesday afternoon.

Little Keith brought me there because I was constantly craving for japanese food.

Almost all shops are closed because it was Hari Raya. 

:'(

Isn't this cute?

Went to try James Foo Western Food with Little Keith again.

The price was relatively low for a western cuisine, but the food was just OK.

Chicken Cordon Bleu

Fish with BBQ sauce

Roselle Juice

And lastly, dinner at Dragon-i before watching THE SMURFS!
Also with little Keith.

I think I just handsomized this guy... by a bit!

FRESH Fruit Tea Experts

Art History lesson ended early today, 11 a.m.
Only 6 from my class turned up, while the the CS3A's were fully present.

See the difference?

o.O

Lunch is always gonna be...

Char Koay Teow, Western Food, Economy Rice and nothing else.

We have been eating that for more than a year now, and it's getting yucky.

So... I decided to go to somewhere else to try out new food.

"FRESH, maybe? Could we try that?" I asked Yik Ting.

She said okay and immediately, we went.

Jason came along with us too.
:D

Okonomiyaki

Pink Grape Fruit, Black Current and Passion Fruit

Niceeeeee.
I really love first tries.
And this was one of them.
:)

Yay. 

It's Sunday again.

I had lunch with Keith right after visiting Little Penang.

We went to Salsas yoooo! And I'll come back here again for sure.

The set lunch's price is reaaaaaally reasonable.
Price range: RM13.50, RM15.50, RM18.50

Woohoo!

Went to Gurney to watch Final Destination 5 after that.
And then it rained. So cold that I wanted to eat something hot, for dinner.

On the way to La Mei Zi restaurant...

Yeah yeah, it was my first visit to the Nagore Road branch.

There were lotsa restaurants around here too, I'd probably come try out for lunch next time.

Tomyam soup and Chicken Soup.

and...
ITADAKIMASU!

Week 3

The story goes on...

On Friday, there was no class.

It was the Equatorian's Holiday.

Everyone was invited to the graduation showcase's opening at Straits Quay!

We had breakfast at Pappa Rich with the CS3A's.

Zeon and I had the same plate of fried rice.

And I couldn't help but say "有得吃，好幸福哦."

Click click.

Raymond refused to take pics with me in the car.

Pttf.

After the Showcase, had a short meetup with (^^^)

We sat in Dome, played pig shot and I ate my favourite Spicy olio pasta.

The worst I've ever had so far. Screw Straits Quay's Dome.

The veggies were all in such big pieces.

And when I got home...

I was surprised to find a Lexus RX 450 in the house.

A brand new one with the lucky number 68.

OMG. My uncle came all the way from Perlis. 

And he sold of his Sorento.

O.O

Then, it was Saturday.

I had a badminton date with my classmates in the morning.

Some of their roomates at Burmahtel joined us too.

Raymond really got on my nerves.

Felt like stabbing him over and over. Muahaha.

When I reached at 10am, he was still asleep.

I actually texted him on 8am saying, "Wake up or else you die."

But I guess he didn't see it. We even let him lajak-ed till 10.30am.

He eventually got up and changed, but he never brushed his teeth. Omfg so disgusting.

Then we headed out to CRC only to find out that all courts were full till 1pm.

So I drove them to BeeHooi cafe, where we all had breakfast. 

And that guy that got on my nerves ate some kinda weird breakfast.

* look at the picture above*

Ya.. exactly, he had Loh Nui.

The clock struck half past two after the badminton session ended.
All I had on me was only RM3.70, but a bowl of Ais Buah is worth to spend off everything right?
Leaving me with RM0.20
XD