:(

No one would be reading my posts over here anymore.
Because it's private, and there's only 7 people in this blog's reading list.
I guess I'd use this as a place to write about my thoughts.
Probably when things aren't right.

Time flies.
Things have changed a lot.
And as usual, nothing goes perfectly smooth.
I've gotten out from somewhere, which laymen would call "The Shit Hole".
My "mom" would be so proud of me if this happened a year back.
But the thing is, SHIT HOLE or not. Does it matter?

No it doesn't.
I don't let go of things so easily.
And it's not because I brainwashed myself,
but.. I just didn't want to remember.
It was... scary.

Everytime I started to reminisce...
Flashbacks came to me. I was so afraid that I didn't wanna think anymore.
Needless to mention about the word "Memories".
Everything's crushed by destructive acts that evening.
The word "sorry" wasn't for apologizing, it was to taunt me instead.
It made me wanting to run even faster instead of going back to where I was.
I remembered the pain that shot up from the back of my feet.
I remembered being helpless, sitting on the floor and cry.
I remembered my brain spinning with solutions that wouldn't worked.
I remembered being so weak physically that I'm unable to fight back at all.
It was the worst nightmare, ever.

So far, you're the best damn thing I've ever met.
It's just that I didn't have the chance to tell you. All these while.
Problem is...
You listen to nobody but yourself.
You couldn't make proper decisions.
And yet so stubborn, like a goat.
You ran when problems arise.
You hide when you couldn't face someone.

I'm born a girl. I do what girls do, and I need someone to rely on.
No matter how hard I try, I'll never understand how a guy think.
And what a man could for his girl. Because I'm not a man.
You can't make me do that. But to give me what I want.
Maybe I made a bad choice.
It's probably not gonna last.
But just a hopping stone?

Someday.
You'd understand why.

So not happy

Don't know how to describe the feeling I'm having right now.
Everything goes wrong. 

Everything crushed and rubbed in a paste.

Like wtf.

Sometimes, putting a smile on the face is so tiring.
Why can't you just understand?