Coward.

"I don't know how much longer can I hold so much disappointment.

Something I have never excelled in. Something that have let me down, over and over again.

Only god knows how grateful I am with what I am showered with. 

But there's this one thing that doesn't make sense.
And that I really don't understand.

I really don't."

I am a coward.
Posting what's above in Bread and Butter, everyone can see it.
And I can't bare what damage it is going to cost me, maybe typing here is way easier.

I actually cried on my way home today.
Not because he didn't want to talk to me still.
Not because I miss him but it reminds me of what a failure I am to have the history repeat again.
Yes or no? Is it just me or what?

Something wrong with me?
I don't get it and I have been searching for answers all the time.
Or is it that he isn't the guy for me? Or what? I need someone to give me an answer.
No point typing here so fast.

My head is about to explode with all the questions inside.
Did I just get played again? Or, if he's just not that into you?
Boy, I don't know what to do. I swear, I have been trying.

I am SUCH AN IDIOT. FUCK.
I CANNOT STAND THE TORTURE.

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Things are better with babe, so far.
At least after a month, and two weeks short of topics to talk about.
Keeping ourselves awkwardly quiet during meal times.
I almost... gave up.

But here we are.
Still best friends and lovers.
Though he popped cherry two days ago, I think. (1/7)
He was really gentle. Asked me to hug him as he was about to enter.
And it didn't hurt that bad like what I've expected.
Yes it still hurts, but bearable.

Everything just happened naturally.
Me and him.