Carefree

Arrived early in the office this morning, Ms. Lim wasn't even here yet.

There's only two weeks left before internship ends, I have so much work to do.

Funny how I could still sit here and type crap.

I've been thinking a lot lately, browsing some of my previous blogs.

The way I write and describe things, it's way different.
I wasn't that self-conscious. Maybe I should practice that again.
No more low self-esteem, Ms. Chan. 

Brush up, yo.

The Vow

The thing is,
each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we've ever experienced,
with all the people we've ever known.

And its these moments that become our history.
Like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our minds over and over again.

Valentine's Day

Hi, baby.

It's Feb 14th, Happy Valentine's Day.

:)

Spent my night watching The Vow.
Remember? The movie you said you'd watched together with me.

We didn't make it though. No chance to see my tears. Boo!

Guess the seats in GSC were full back then.

Both of us went for something else instead.

Next Saturday would be the 9th month.

Being single could certainly be such torture sometimes.

Definitely, I'm not afraid to be in a long-distance relationship.

I'm more afraid of being with a man, who'd leave me for somebody else.

1. Somebody who's far better than me, in socializing? 

I kinda suck in that. Interacting and making new friends are hard to me.

I can't help it, I don't know why. Probably I'm over-self-conscious.

And this is bad.

2. Somebody who has the ability to make you happy and laugh all the time?

I made you angry whenever I'm clumsy. You never liked me like that.

And it's really sad and hurtful, because I'm trying my best to change that.

:(

3. Somebody who's pretty, sexy and would never fail to let you feel so turned on?

Well, I used to have pimples and acnes all over my face. Which, I still do now. But it's much better!

There's only scars left on my face. Bet it wouldn't be too disgusting to see.

No more frizzy hair. I've cut it short, it'd probably grow back to shoulder's length in a few months time.

I don't have huge boobies and I'm a virgin. Still.

I exercise more than I do in the past. I can do more than this.

I can learn how to dance, dress up, wear high heels, tong my hair and probably make up.

But would you still.. fall for me one more time?

Accepting that fact for who I really am?

Because... I still love you.

Everything about you.
Sigh.

Today

Haven't blogged here for quite a while.
I was busy with work, busy reading Fifty Shades Trilogy.

Busy doing anything simply to just not think about YOU, you know who you are.

 Spending time with my girls are the best times of my life.

I can like... totally be myself in front of em.

Seriously.

And they wouldn't judge me.

Sad thing is, I wish I didn't always have to be the lightbulb.

Though I'm perfectly fine and comfortable being one.

Had a real weird dream yesterday.

I dreamt of my college mates, HOW SURPRISING.

In my dream, I saw Yik Ting, Nick and Jiet. Probably.

And, we were in this elevator of EAA.

I don't remember how.

But I remembered Jiet giving me a long hug.

I don't know what that's for. It felt good though.

After all, it's been such a long time since someone hugged me like that.

And immediately, I knew it was a dream, but I didn't wanna wake up.

Yik Ting's standing beside me, shaking her head and I think she whispered something in my ear.

There was no sign of Jiaki. Jiet ignored Yik Ting completely.

I think we stayed like that for a while, I hugged him back and touch his neck. Wtf.

Then I caught him telling me something I find totally unacceptable.

Something like, "Give me another chance" sorta thing.

I shoved him aside after that.

Because deep inside I know I can't trust this guy.

And then, I just woke up. 

It was 7.35 a.m.

I know I'm probably crazy to even type this.
I have no feelings towards him anymore. It's been so long anyway.

But one thing that I didn't get it is, how come I dreamt of so much of other people around me.

Rather than the one whom I love the most? Why isn't it always you, but someone else?

I don't get it