Baby

Another dream last night.

I remembered I was somewhere around Fettes Park.

Couldn't remember who I was with, but it was either Vivi or Jye Lan. 

We stood by the short flight of stairs, leaning on the wall talking.
All of a sudden, this face caught my eye.

It was you. 

But you looked saggy and old.

On your head was short white hair as though you're in your 60s? Wtf.

That didn't surprise me.

All I did was standing there, dumb folded.

Your eyes made its way to where I stood as you walked pass us.

And all of a sudden, I just wanted to hide. I just wanted to run away and disappear.

Beside me was Jye Lan or Vivi's voice, asking me to not back off.

That voice was asking me to move forward and talk to you.

I didn't do it. I just can't because I'm too afraid.

I woke up not long after that.

Feeling stupid, as usual.

It's almost 6 months!

But I still miss you that much.

I've no intention to have you replaced with someone else, yet.

Then suddenly I realized how much I love you.

How I wish you're still mine.
Baby.

Sometimes, I still miss you.

I had the weirdest dream last night.
Couldn't remember every part of the dream but you were there.

You don't usually appear in my dreams, but yesterday, you did.
My family members were there as well.
Dad, and my brother Jeff.

We were back there in the house at Bukit Gambier.
And it wasn't particularly empty and dirty like how it used to be.
Sunlight shone in through the jalouise windows. And it was so yellow, so beautiful.
I guess it was evening and the sun was almost setting.

In the dream, Jeff and dad stood outside the house.
I popped my head at the door and waved to them, telling them I'm okay and asking them to leave.
And in front of the house was my car, nicely parked at the car porch like always.

Then, we were alone.
I could feel your arms around me.
And the warmth that I haven't felt for a while, the smell of you after a bath.
Deep down, I know that you shouldn't be forgiven for what you have done.
But without a doubt, I hugged you so tightly and didn't wanna let go.
I did not utter a single word and nor did I tear.

What I wanted to tell you was, for all these months...
Boy, I miss you so much.

Immediately after that, I woke up. Puzzled.
I couldn't believe what I have just dreamed, seriously.
After all, you only came into my dream twice after the breakup.
And still, I didn't know what do they actually mean.