I'm feeling horrible now.
God knows why.

My bro smokes Marijuana?!
Wtf. I can't believe that.
He's making whatever kind of pot from a plastic water bottle.
And mom actually believes that he drink the water in it?

Omg, what am I gonna do?
I have no one to tell.
Like seriously.

KL

宝贝，明天我下来找你了。

MOIS

Stepped into the club yesterday for the first time, without you.
I was a little afraid. ( In fact, I am always scared whenever I step into Mois. )
And it felt so different. So different without you with me. WTF

I caught myself constantly staring at the tables we used to stand.
Then I told myself, I should be enjoying at this hour. Not reminiscing bullshits.
So I started drinking and dancing. Never felt so happy before.

1 a.m.
Jason brought me to the dance floor.
The other guys went as well.

We were dancing and out of a sudden, he hugged me so tight.
Like wtf, my best friend huggggged me. And for whattttt?!
I ignored him and continued dancing until I got really dizzy.
He brought me to the toilet, got my a few glasses of water and yeah..
I was okay again and he brought me to the dance floor.
Then fucking hugged me again.

I seriously wanted to push him away because the others would see.
I know, I know, we are in the club and we could actually do whatever we want.
But I didn't want it. I became so speechless I didn't even wanna look at him.
I grabbed my fist so tight and turned my head away while he whispered something into my ear.
I could not even digest what he had said to me, all I could picture was you and I started to hit him.
Yes, he's been into me for like a year or more already but... damn.
NO! I DIDN'T LIKE THAT.
FUCK.

I kept telling myself.
It's okay. It's okaaaaaaaaay.
He's your best friend, and those hugs mean NOTHING.
But I gotta face it, it doesn't mean NOTHING to him. It meant SOMETHING.
And he has a fucking GIRLFRIEND at home, he shouldn't be doing this!
Like seriously.
Gosh.

All a sudden, it became so clear to me.
And I got my thoughts figured out on the dance floor.

Still can't get over you, babe.
I really love you.
A lot.

So much that my doors are closed for any other guys out there.
You made me one silly girl. So dumb and so stupid.
Happy?

Dream again.

Before I forget this dream, I'd like to jot it down. Here.
It was another weird dream I had last night.
I was on vacation with a few friends.
Couldn't remember who they are.

We were in Chengdu.
I didn't know how the hell did I even got there.
It started with us (6 person including myself) sitting at the porch of a hut.
The grass around us were dead and that was the only hut on the entire wasteland.
Out of nowhere, a fortune teller approached us and handed everyone of us a piece of paper.
He asked us to read the contents on it (which indicates our destiny).
To prove that he's not lying, he asked us to tore the paper into two.
And when I do so, 3 more pieces of paper fell out from the paper itself.
Odd, isn't it? But I was amazed.

The first was the picture of my mom, with her chinese name on it.
The second were details of where I live etc.
Couldn't remember the third one.

So... I guess the contents were true.
But how come I couldn't recall any of it?!
Dafuq.

Then here came the second scene.
I was at the balcony of our "hotel" room.
Doesn't really seem like a hotel though, it was more like a place where Aladdin stays. wtf.
It was approximately 5-6 storeys high, and beneath the "hotel" was a long stretch of market.
Somehow, my eyes was drawn to two guys opposite the building.
It was him. And his friend, Gons?!

And there they were, walking to buy breakfast for themselves.
I think I quickly turned away before they get to see me.

How did I actually come up with this dream?
It was so weird. It was just... so weird and full of imagination.
Cheng Du?! Why not Malaysia instead.
Cos I'm heading to KL in two weeks time.

Baby

Another dream last night.

I remembered I was somewhere around Fettes Park.

Couldn't remember who I was with, but it was either Vivi or Jye Lan. 

We stood by the short flight of stairs, leaning on the wall talking.
All of a sudden, this face caught my eye.

It was you. 

But you looked saggy and old.

On your head was short white hair as though you're in your 60s? Wtf.

That didn't surprise me.

All I did was standing there, dumb folded.

Your eyes made its way to where I stood as you walked pass us.

And all of a sudden, I just wanted to hide. I just wanted to run away and disappear.

Beside me was Jye Lan or Vivi's voice, asking me to not back off.

That voice was asking me to move forward and talk to you.

I didn't do it. I just can't because I'm too afraid.

I woke up not long after that.

Feeling stupid, as usual.

It's almost 6 months!

But I still miss you that much.

I've no intention to have you replaced with someone else, yet.

Then suddenly I realized how much I love you.

How I wish you're still mine.
Baby.

Sometimes, I still miss you.

I had the weirdest dream last night.
Couldn't remember every part of the dream but you were there.

You don't usually appear in my dreams, but yesterday, you did.
My family members were there as well.
Dad, and my brother Jeff.

We were back there in the house at Bukit Gambier.
And it wasn't particularly empty and dirty like how it used to be.
Sunlight shone in through the jalouise windows. And it was so yellow, so beautiful.
I guess it was evening and the sun was almost setting.

In the dream, Jeff and dad stood outside the house.
I popped my head at the door and waved to them, telling them I'm okay and asking them to leave.
And in front of the house was my car, nicely parked at the car porch like always.

Then, we were alone.
I could feel your arms around me.
And the warmth that I haven't felt for a while, the smell of you after a bath.
Deep down, I know that you shouldn't be forgiven for what you have done.
But without a doubt, I hugged you so tightly and didn't wanna let go.
I did not utter a single word and nor did I tear.

What I wanted to tell you was, for all these months...
Boy, I miss you so much.

Immediately after that, I woke up. Puzzled.
I couldn't believe what I have just dreamed, seriously.
After all, you only came into my dream twice after the breakup.
And still, I didn't know what do they actually mean.

I'll never be the same, if we ever meet again.

It started with a whatsapp status.
Then a row of instagram pictures.
"Hi, how are you lately?" texts from you in MSN. Twice.
The second one kinda pissed me off. Sent my face into bright red.
Worst, Raymond was just beside me at that moment.
But he didn't know.

And the next thing I knew was clicking on your Facebook profile.
Well, I finally had the guts to do so before I go to bed last night.

Oh, so Doreen has this new lalazai boyfriend within a month or so.
She deleted all your pictures in Facebook and Instagram.
Deleted pictures in Phuket with the other ex in it as well.
You guys broke up, I guess.

I just don't get it.
Is it expected that things turn up this way?
If it is, seriously she could just not exist and not take you away from me.
Does she even know how much I have been through all these months?
FUCK! What a BITCH.

Then I started to worry about myself.
I've been missing you like crazy and I want you back.
Only for the feelings that nobody could offer, but you.
That's like that dumbest thing to do, ever.
Seriously, why am I so stupid?

It's been 5 fucking months and I still couldn't get you off my mind.
Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why?!
It's not like you're the best boyfriend on earth or even I cannot live without you.
我可以半年没有你，就可一辈子没有你！
1 more month to go.

Please don't come back.
没有你，我会过得更好。
我依然爱着你，可是我回不去了。
对不起。

Dear Stanic,

How are you?
Ray told me you've been to KL.
I've been trying so hard to not talk about you.

Or even think about you.

I hid you from my newsfeed.
I never dare myself to click your Facebook profile.
I hid Gons, Jack, Ryn and Yoke Shian from my newsfeed too.
Couldn't take it when I saw Doreen's face on your timeline.

I don't understand why both of you have to be so mean.

Worst, my mind doesn't listen to me most of the time.

I miss you when Environmental Science and Services class gets way too boring.

Sometimes, I get very depressed and lonely. Nobody was there for me.

And sometimes, I cry myself to sleep when I'm missing you too much.

Seriously boy, why.

Steady girl.

He's gonna pay for it.
No more tears, okay?

No longer your muse

Baby, I miss you.

It's been almost 4 months.
And I've never stopped counting down since the day we separated.

I'm counting down towards the sixth month.
And then, a year.

Glad that Ray's been back into my life.
He used to be such a gift to me, and I loved him like my own brother.

But not any longer, after so much that have happened.
And the moment when he asked, "Do you still like him?"
I went silent. I knew I miss you so badly and I wanted to cry.

But no matter what and anyhow, I know I can make it without you.
Thanks for teaching me such a valuable lesson.

满

I miss you a lot, baby.
Thought of you every single day.
But there's no turning back, and I know that.
Good luck with life.

Babe,

I wonder how have you been doing lately...

Is everything good?

Sorry for not celebrating your birthday with you.

I had actually came up with a plan. Even discussed with Ryn about it.
But Eunice thinks that it was unnecessary since you haven't been appreciating the things I've done.

She was trying to protect me from getting hurt. So, I did what she said. 

Only that, I wished you "Happy Birthday".

Babe, I'm so sorry. But I couldn't help it.

I've gave in so much, and all I hope is you to treat me a little better.

But could you?

Never knew you could broke my heart into pieces.

But damn, I miss you so much.
So much...

I wish you'd know.

Babe..

终于，你选择走了.

你走后，我哭了好几天。

然后咧？有用吗？

还以为，我真的可以那么坚强面对。

可是我错了。

我不是铁质的。

我是人，我需要依靠，需要你爱，需要你疼。

我是多么想你，你知道吗？

What goes around comes around...

Something snapped me right back to 2010 recently.

Where the same situation occurred, and where the same feelings lingered around.

Felt as if a huge truck had just ran over my body. Not only once, but twice. 

All these while, I thought I have passed the test.

But I was wrong. So wrong.

:(

Felt like shit, lately.
And so alone.
Wtf.

6 Things That Every Creative Person Must Know About

When it comes to art and being creative, there are no rules. Here are 6 things that every creative person must know about.

1. Aim to be different.

You can either aim to be “better” than all the other artists out there or you can aim to be “different”. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be things that they can do better than you. Likewise, there are also things that you can do better than anybody else. You are in a class of your own. Embrace your uniqueness. Dare to be different. Look at Lady Gaga. When she was in grade school everyone would laugh at her for being weird. For being different. But it is because she has embraced her uniqueness that she has become the best selling artist she is today.

1. Challenges are what push you to be better.

No one likes having problems. But instead of thinking of them as problems why not think of them as challenges? Every time you are challenged you are pushed to become a better artist. Why? Because it is when you step out of your comfort zone that you learn and grow. There is more to art than what you already know. Be willing to discover new horizons.

1. Trust your gut.

We artists have gut feels. We know instinctively whether a piece of art needs something more or is just “right”. Yes, we should listen to what other people have to say. But in the end we should trust our instincts.

1. Simplicity is beauty.

A piece of art does not have to be complicated in order to be beautiful. More often than not, simplicity is the key to beauty. Remove distractions. Get rid of clutter. Decide what your main subject is and let everything revolve around that.

1. Make mistakes.

Making mistakes are the fastest way to learn. Don’t be afraid to go wrong. Make mistakes and learn from them. Avoiding failure is pointless. Sooner or later we’ll trip up. After all we are only human. Instead avoiding failure, learn to look at it from another perspective. Look at each “failure” as a learning experience.

1. Real artists create.

There are many kinds of artists. But the bottom line is real artists create their own stuff. Sure you can get inspired by the work of other artists. But don’t copy it. Make your own. Create your own mark. Try new stuff. Use old materials in different ways.

“Amy C. is an interior decoration aficionado and online marketer.  She also likes testing and trying new home and office decorating themes.  In addition to being an interior decoration hobbyist, she enjoys designing calming solar fountains and glass art.  Amy invites you to browse her delightful collection of glass vases”

(^^^)

:(

我想你了

Baby..
You're not gonna do that to me, are you?

Land of Smiles

Leaving Malaysia next weekend, for Songkran.
Well hopefully, it'd be an enjoyable one with Teddy, Franklin and Andrew.
An escapade from my not-so-cool college mates.
Screw you guys.

4am

Never once I thought college life would be so complicated.

I woke up yesterday morning at 4am.

Did my assignments. Two A4 sized sketches for furniture design.

Equator's been pushing us hard on sketches lately. 

It does help but it irritates me to even hold my pencil to sketch sometimes.

My sketches are improving real fast, thanks to the school. *roll eyes*

But my CAD workkkkkk....

Fuck

And as usual. Dramas in college.

This time, Yuki and Bee Chin.

I've totally had enough of losing friends!

Or trusting people that I knew I shouldn't.

I bet Yikting feels even worst than I do, right now.

So siennnnnn with college, really. 

Everyone's competing. 

勾心斗角

But going through all these hard times made me realise...

I'm not completely alone. I saw who my friends are...

And it doesn't necessarily have to be my awful interior classmates.

After all, I still have friends. They could be in Aussie right now, or even UK... anywhere in the world.

It doesn't matter, as long as they're all inside my heart.

What's more? I have a family and a cutie pie.

I should be grateful instead of complaining.

And seriously...

It's been almost one whole year..

But I can't believe I still couldn't let go of all those hatred towards that girl.

Why can't I just forgive, and move on?

Those shits, they still haunt me sometimes.

And I dont like it.

Hi

4.05 a.m. in the morning.
And I'm struggling with my AutoCAD.
I used to hate learning computer so much,
so much that I purposely failed my Computer subject during Form 1.
I received only 14 marks for an easy paper.
I was happy that I failed..
But now, I regret.
Seriously.

Things doesn't get any better for me.
Everything in college is okay, despite losing two of my favourite buddies.
One was Zeon, as expected. And the other, surprisingly and for no reason.
Raymond?! Yes. Raymond. The one whom I treated like my own brother.
He left, but not only that, he hates me now.
For no reason.
Wtf.

Oh yeah.
And thirdly.
My so called "sweetheart"?
Fuck that guy. Such a problem maker.
I'm totally speechless and like always tell Joe,
"I'm not gonna put any efforts in this shit!"

Lastly?
Some feelings that I couldn't let go of.
Which leaves me 无奈 to the max.
Nobody would UNDERSTAND.
And I could tell NOBODY, either. But myself.
Probably in my next life, it doesn'y have to be like this.

Hate the way Loy always jumped in as the third party,
thinking as if he fucking knowwwwwws everything.
Hate the way he scolded me like he's god.
Yeah, I know you freaking care about your friend.
Or your crush. Whatever.
"CBTM = Come back to me"
You said that you're trying to help her by whatsapp-ing me and telling me what it means?
Come on, Loy. Mingli is stupid.
But she figured out something SIMILAR to this, just that she didn't TELL YOU.
She couldn't figure out short forms like the way you, SMART ASS, did.
She'd rather be honest than to cheat the way out.

Other than staying in the room, having "fun" with assignments.
I guess I wouldn't know what else more to do.
It's been a while since I catch up with my high school friends.
All except Jye Lan, which, I've been meeting up quite often, lately.

I ate only a little these days.
One proper meal per day.
The rest of the time I'd probably drink Attain or Fiberwise from Melaleuca.
Not that I have no appetite, but I know that I'm really going
to get fat if I only eat, sleep and only focus on my assignments.

I rarely step foot on Burmatel nowadays.
Yik Ting goes there almost every night and...
I couldn't help her much on her assignments when I'm already so slow.
Though she seems to be the only friend that I could talk to about almost everything.
The only person that saw me cry during Valentine's Day,
and the only person who stayed by my side at Sunrise McDonalds the entire night.
I bet not even Yuki and Bee Chin know about this until I told them.
I cried, NOT because I don't have a valentine to celebrate with.
I cried for some fuck shit reason.

Doesn't matter that Zeon isn't gonna help me on homework anymore.
It really DOESN'T MATTER, SINCE HE THINKS THAT I'M BASICALLY USING HIM.
WTF, man. Who on earth wants to use you?!
At least I could be much more independent right now.
And what's more? Nickson is being really helpful.
He's been pushing me a lot, on my assignments.
Thank god.

3.48am

Time's ticking, and each time at a faster pace.
But deep inside, I know I have to stay in control.
Now it's not the time to fool around anyway.


And though I woke up this morning feeling as if it was a dream.
I'd really miss and would watch

... as you go.

The one that got away

Valentine's day would be here really soon.
And for Valentine's Day, Yu Ning has already got herself a Carlo Rino purse.

An 'in-advanced' present from her boyfriend, Eu Wing.

Guess every girl is looking forward for that day to come.

To spend that very special day with loved ones.

But not me.

Just a few minutes ago, I've posted a post on Mingli Bites.
And certainly, it would definitely piss you off if you see it.

What you didn't know is how I felt while browsing through the albums.

To be honest, I wasn't feeling guilty. 

But instead, a hollow breeze of uncertainty.

I know that I have to be strong enough to overcome this all by myself.

And to protect myself, it would be me to be the bad guy.

No doubt my friends would again be lesser.

Because again, it would be me who is gonna cuts all connections.

I couldn't be so selfish to regret it now.

It was my choice, after all.

You'd be freed in less than two weeks. 

From me. From that bitch who haunts you.

What more to worry, huh?

Sometimes,

I just wonder if I had just missed the best damn thing in my life.

Just because I merely couldn't take the pressure around me.

And what people expect me to be.

Baby boo, 

I'm so sorry for all the WRONGs that I've did.

And that I've hurt you.

This may sound really fake but..

nobody could replace all that you've given me.

Not even the life I'm living right now.
Not even, him.

Two days before Valentine's Day, would be February 12th...

Probably we wouldn never meet again...

I wish you, the best of luck.