Haven't been blogging for quite a bit. It's 0531, I can't sleep. I'm the next 0530女郎，Sean's jokes bout Limjiaki not sleeping and typing essays on wechat in Mandrin. Couldn't sleep because returning back to Penang brings me memories I prolly would not want to remind me of myself. I went to PCGHS earlier on yesterday, had Goodall food for lunch, Java chips in Starbucks and Flamingo afterwards. BEACH, somewhere we high school girls loved to go so much. And before it had been named as Flamingo it was called the Paradise Beach Hotel. That's when the memories started flashing back...

I could picture myself with Yeouching and Suzhen, watching sunset together after escaping for that horrendous meetyourfriends session in gurney. It didn't worked out and you snapped on me. I remembered very clearly you forced me to TALK. Just TALK, you said. Until now I couldn't, and I don't know if it's a gift or a disadvantage.

I've been so self conscious throughout the years., so bad that I couldn't even type a proper caption without googling, so bad that I ended up copying sentences and quotes I saw online. It's been 6 years,  I've grown up and I couldn't turn back time and type like how I was typing before shit happens.

It's 2016. You've changed, and so do I.
We can never go back to 20/10/2010. It's ridiculous to have even thought about it.
But I can't help it tonight. I can't help myself with all the negativity and low self esteem.
I couldn't help but thought to myself that if I had not pushed you away 4 years back, where would I be right now? Would that make me someone else? I couldn't stop wondering since idk when. Sometimes I miss the old you. The old sharkie who loves to bite, who encourages and help me out, who sees the good in me. I need that sharkie to raise me up, right now, at this moment, as I'm so lost and don't know what's my next step. I certainly don't want to screw up and certainly doesn't want to get engage right now.

I sent you a "hey". I've so many things to say. But seriously, you know what?
The last time I told you how I actually felt, I can tell that you've thoroughly moved on.
Stewie's the one, you said. I used to say, give her 3 months, seems like it doesn't work that way. 3 years it is. 3 years...

If I could turn back time, I would.