Vexed. Annoyed. Frustrated

Couldn't blog without sleeping.
I feel disastrous since last night, because of Sean.
Not because that he did anything wrong, but I just felt as if both of us are aliens from 2 different planets.
It's been almost like 3 months now, and yeah. Shit happens after 3 months, and now..
I could TOTALLY see what person he's like.

Yik Ting's right.
It's better to KNOW someone first before GETTING TOGETHER with them.
Now I totally know why she said that to me like a million times. Because damn, she's right.

The first thing is.
OUR INTERESTS.
Talking bout interests, that includes the way we dress.
He's colourful, I'm a Black and White person.
We couldn't really accept our thinking on each other's clothing.
Like seriously. And he said that I'm an AUNTY. wtf?!

THE WAY HE TALKS
It's like so damn straight sometimes.
It offends me. Unnecessarily.
You don't tell a girl you like that she looks like a witch.
Or that her life's boring, that she has no friends, that she's dull!

INSENSITIVITY
Oh yesssss, guys are insensitive.
Absolutely, but is he dumb shit or what.
No texts for half a day? One text takes you 10 mins to reply?
And tell you he doesn't like to text?
Going vacation or deciding certain things without notifying you?
Forgetting about a movie date that you promised to go with your dream girl?
HE DOESN'T FUCKING HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT I FUCKING WANT.
I want to be that girl that my BOYFRIEND would actually be proud of showing everyone else around him.
AND HE HAS NO BALLS, LIKE TOTALLY. WE JUST ACT AS IF WE ARE STRANGERS!
AND HE'S NOT THERE WHEN I REALLY NEED HIM.
ALL HE DOES IS SLEEP. SLEEP. CONTINUE SLEEPING AFTER THAT.
DAFUQ.

KIAM SIAP-NESS
Yes, I know you're not like a rich kid.
But why is he ALWAYS acting as if I want to use his money.
I paid for Twelve Cups, I paid for all my Starbucks. Like wtf.
Why does he want to count everything so clearly in front of me and always tell me that he wants to save up.
I know right, save up. But you don't have to always mention in front of me like I want to use all of your money. Why separate the bills so clearly. WTF.


YOU DON'T FORCE A GIRL YOU LIKE TO ACCEPT YOU BECAUSE YOU WANT HER TO.
Which probably explains why 6/7 of his relationships failed? I guesssssss...
It doesn't work because of the above. A girl needs love and care.
Not someone who abandons her to be with his friends and fuck shit.

Okay, and the thing that I've been trying to get rid of my mind.
But I can't. I just can't.

I hate a guy who doesn't understand proper english.
You don't know what's BUFF? 24/7? Fuck off. Learn!
I still love guys who are 170cm and above. Who are not fat.
I'm not saying he's fat but still.. after all these shits, appearance matters to me again.

I don't know what to do.
I don't like him the way when I fall in love with my exes.
It feels GOD DAMN different. I feel NOTHING AT ALL.
And to make things worst right, I am desperate. I'm focusing on someone else.
It's turning me nuts because I hate smokers and drinkers, and I know it's impossible.

I just... wish there's this special someone for me to rely on after all these while.
It feels horrible to be alone sometimes. To feel lonely and alone.