Gone like the wind...

Movie
Head on mine
I have no idea why you are so insecure having a Chinese girl walk by your side
It was a horrible movie - Lion King
I felt guilty as you were sleepy and driving back to sleep.

We met at a bar sipping non alcoholic drinks
You held my hand
Your pointy nose brushed against mine.
We had nothing to do. I held your hand as we left the bar.

You took off your top as the lights went off.
And then your pants.

Slowly you had your lips pressed on mine. I taught you how to kiss.
I don’t think I ever enjoyed kissing someone as passionate as I do to you.
I like your hair and the way you cuddle me to sleep.
We fell asleep.
You begged me for 30 mins more.

I told you that I wasn’t ready.

We had sex.
It wasn’t great, but I secretly wanted more.
Your stamina sucks and I felt nothing at all.
You had migraine. Woke me up twice in the middle of the night.
My heart sank when you told me this is going to lead to nowhere.
We will not be in a relationship or get married.
So what are we?

One night stand? FWB? No strings attached.
I hated those terms because I love you as who I thought you are
And only then I realized that you do not want any sort of commitment.
I told you I couldn’t do this long term - I’ll get emotionally attached.
You told me I am the first girl you ever slept with.
(Of course lah, where else would you go?)

Shower together.
We had Dolly Dim Sum and chose hair tonic in Watson’s.
I think that’s the best moments we actually had - in the day.
And I thought you’d not be contacting me after. You’d run.
But you ended up calling me. Told me that you’d be coming to Penang
That you wanna marry me blablabla. I wasn’t that dumb to take all this in.
I was fucking scared at the idea of wearing a hijab going to the mosque to pray five times.
I’ve always remembered what the Egyptian told me - You will want to convert.
You told me you made up your mind. I think you’re crazy to just have decided on just 15 mins.

The next few conversations revolve around sex and marriage.
It was horrible. We ended up with no answers.
You asked me how many kids I want
And started picturing nonsensical images.

Ghosting me a few days later.
But texted me that Koko died.
Weirdly I don’t feel sad that she died; I felt it’s karma.
I love all horses the same and I think it’s just nature taking it’s toll.
Sure, I’ll miss Koko but somehow this relates to Bagheera’s death and I felt that it has something to do with your god. I don’t know. And it’s scary.

It’s all very confusing at first to be honest.
But now I am sure that what’s an asshole, a ghoster, a jerk, a player, a pussy hunter.
That’s you.

Took me fucking 4 months to realize.
I am angry but I felt that I deserved better.
No regrets having sex tho.

The angel in you have left.
And now it’s best that we become strangers again.