Ciao Italia

This is an overdue update after the Circuit Breaker.
I have been wanting to try dating after separation; after all, I am free - I can do whatever I want.
But freedom also comes fear; and triggers for my trauma.

I pushed my boundaries. Met new people. Learnt new things.
The more I do so, the more empty and lonely I felt. 

Is it really that what I want?
Could I handle being with an extroverted open-minded caucasian guy? 

I thankgod for Joshua's guidance for if not I would then again trap myself in a relationship that potentially would hurt myself. Dear Dario, why you do this to me? Why did you love bomb me? And then Joant, Fernando, Mathieu.

Mason's words rang in my ear - in loops. All the negativity, all the "am I not good enough?" "or are these, just blessing in disguise?"


They say the best is yet to come.
Perhaps, this is "training"? Perhaps.

And perhaps, I should just fk it and join Armada.